4: Shame, Silence, and Neglect

Reading time: 18 minutes

Thanks for joining me! This email contains the fourth chapter of my “Dreaming In the Real” manuscript, a work in progress. Bi-weekly episodes reveal how immersing myself in the natural world while preparing vibrational essences helped me gain insight and healing after my adult life crumbled due to unaddressed trauma and childhood adversity.

This chapter of my early teen years was one of the most difficult to write and process. It's still heartbreaking to look back on the unaddressed pain and trauma underlying and influencing my parent's lives. Still, acknowledging and sitting with this timeline helped me uncover deeply held beliefs and traumas controlling my adult decisions. I learned that bringing the past into the light is the only way to embody the awareness to heal and change.

PLEASE START HERE to access the episode list and preceding chapters. A book is best read chronologically.

I am releasing the following chapters for free.
Introduction
Chapter 1: A Dangerous Road Home
Chapter 10: Embracing Change – Smoke, Wind, and Whitebark Pine
However, the rest of the manuscript requires a paid subscription. If the cost is a hardship, email marnie@dreaminginthereal.com, and I will be happy to offer a scholarship.

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CONTENT GUIDANCE: This manuscript tackles sensitive themes of parental neglect, abuse, drugs, and domestic violence. Reader discretion is advised.

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“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.”  ~ Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

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A POOR CHOICE late in eighth grade became a turning point in how I viewed myself. A neighbor girl two years ahead of me invited me to town with her and a friend. The neighbor girl’s mom drove us to Long’s Drug Store, where we ogled over the brilliant glittery blue of 1970s eye shadow and mascara. One of the girls suggested we shoplift some makeup. I didn’t wear makeup yet, but I wanted to fit in with the older girls, and I slipped a mascara package into my jacket pocket. I don’t remember how it happened, but I was caught and charged with shoplifting.