19: Breaking Free - Blue Lace Agate
Reading time: 9 minutes
Thank you for reading the next chapter of my work-in-progress manuscript.
While sitting on a rock outcropping overlooking a vast wilderness, the feminine wild of nature conspired with me to co-create the healing essence of blue lace agate. The experience led me to a profound encounter with the love, wisdom, and support of my ancestral grandmothers. With the encouragement of the divine feminine, I discovered that we can heal the wounds of the past in the present moment. Join me as I create an essence with the potential to break the bonds of generational trauma.
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“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” ~ Anaïs Nin
WATERTON WAS GLORIOUS! The flowers! The ridgetop hikes! David!
July 22, 2014
FIELD NOTES: Lost Horse Observation Point, Bitterroot National Forest
Lost Horse Observation Point beckoned me to visit. On the drive up, I took a quick detour to a familiar spot along Lost Horse Creek, where I had spent many summer nights gathered around a campfire with friends and family. During the drive, I passed new trucks, RVs, and motorcycles, and I encountered more people in brief moments than I had seen in all the years I lived along the Lost Horse corridor.
The eighteen-mile stretch of single-track dirt road led to mountain lakes, trailheads, the Selway Bitterroot Wilderness boundary, and the Montana/Idaho border. This road used to be poorly maintained and used mainly by locals. Now, it is better maintained, inviting shiny new 4WD trucks and recreational vehicles, most with out-of-state plates. Unfortunately, many visitors ignore posted boundaries and run generators, blasting party music over what was once a silent and peaceful forest.
I was shocked and saddened to find my once wild and quiet backyard transformed into a busy recreation area. Since I had come here to make the bear grass essence, I noticed a new outdoor toilet, fire rings, and a signboard. Change was confronting me, and I was resisting it. These improvements meant more people and more damage to the environment.
The observation point is eight miles up another rocky, winding dirt road. It offers stunning views of Lost Horse Canyon and the Bitterroot Selway Wilderness, providing a vast visual perspective of the surrounding wildlands. Due to the breathtaking backdrop of wilderness and sky, Nature Valley chose this spot to film one of its famous granola bar commercials. Additionally, several people I know have exchanged wedding vows on the rock outcroppings here. Today, my plant companions greeted me at the top: ponderosa pine, Indian paintbrush, yarrow, daisy, stonecrop, and aster. As always, the wind was blowing.
I found a spot on the rock ledge, somewhat protected from the wind. I connected with the blue lace agate I brought to create the essence. Blue lace agate is a quartz family member, featuring iridescence and opacity, and blue and white lace-like bands. Essences made from flowers help awaken self-awareness and deepen our awareness of the world. In contrast, essences made from minerals, like the blue lace agate, provide the energetic stability, support, and balance necessary to integrate the insights gained from using flower essences.
The essence bowl, filled with spring water and calming pale blue agate, rested near the edge of the rocky outcropping. In the background, the mountains majestically reflected their grandeur in the water, upside down. My connection to the moment deepened, embodying the principle of awakening second sight and the old saying that things aren’t always as they seem.
Settling onto an inflatable sitting pad, I began the attunement process. I quickly recognized the energy of my grandmothers and breathed deeply into their loving embrace. Although I never knew my biological grandmothers, this inner encounter felt strangely familiar. They reminded me that my life began in their wombs and that I am still deeply loved and supported.
They conveyed that, due to this inherent generational bond, women have both the opportunity and the responsibility to heal the generational trauma and legacies of neglect and abuse. Healing the wounds of past generations happens in the present moment—it's the only time we truly have. They encouraged me to connect with their guidance and support rather than succumbing to my learned tendency to carry their pain.
I heard, “When one of us changes, it impacts the entire universe.”
They explained that women today can help heal the world's imbalance of power by balancing our inner wounded masculinity with the love and intuition of the divine feminine. Relying solely on logic as our primary resource can prevent us from making choices that lead to the best possible outcomes. However, when our feminine wisdom combines with masculine logic, we create a balanced approach to awakened living.
The stone was calming and soothing, embodying a feminine quality in appearance and name. From my vantage point, I could see the Three Sisters, the peaks that stand to the west and south of Lake Como, watching over the land. I felt the energy of the Pleiades star cluster, also known as the Seven Sisters, named after the nymphs who were companions of Artemis, the goddess of the wilderness. This Pleiadian energy often manifests during my meditations, making me feel at home and connected. I believe the Star Beings originate from there. Additionally, I recognized another energy from my past life memories: that of the legendary Lemurian motherland, a nurturing feminine force that gave birth to many of our ancient civilizations. The presence of a great and powerful goddess energy was unmistakable.
Feminine energy coursed through me, reminding me that wisdom cannot be reached through analytical or logical thinking. When we recognize something true for ourselves, an unwavering strength emerges from deep within and is often difficult to articulate. A wise voice within encouraged me to embrace and accept my truths and insights beyond mere intellect, urging me to stop hiding and apologizing for who I am.
In my mind’s eye, I envisioned a piece of paper. On one side, I noted all my past experiences, including many untruths I had learned. On the other side, I captured my authentic truth, dreams, designs, and possibilities for the future. Each side represented stories within a reality and perception unique to me.
As I folded the paper tightly multiple times, it became as small as possible. Holding this compacted bundle, I imagined a timeline within it. When I slowly unfolded the paper, I noticed how the past and present, truth and untruth, unfolded simultaneously, co-existing in a kind of quantum entanglement.
I saw myself standing alongside my maternal ancestors, each interconnected and influenced by the others. There was no separation in this fluid mix of time—I am my grandmothers, and they are me. Their blood flows in my veins, and my cellular memory carries both their pain and wisdom. With a spark of clarity, I realized that healing and awakening require unfolding the illusion of time and space. The unfolding allows us to move from one reality to another in a flash of awareness, enabling us to heal the wounds of the past while in the present. I felt beaming smiles of admiration from my grandmothers.
I peered down from the rock face and saw a hawk floating below the cliff on the thermals. I watched the hawk catch the wind to lift itself effortlessly without a single beat of its wings, demonstrating the wisdom of going with the flow to gain new perspectives. Feeling grateful that life communicates with me this way, I embraced nature's simple yet profound message.
Lying in the warm sun, sheltered from the wind, I focused on the agate in the bowl, feeling myself merge with its soft, feminine blue. Tiny bubbles clung to the sides of the bowl; each bit of air trapped in the water sparkled in the sun, capturing and reflecting light. I held my grandmothers' love and wisdom close to my heart and recalled Marianne Williamson's quote, "We are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." I promised to acknowledge and nurture the light within me. I remembered the Star Beings and the giving of myself back to me. I recalled their promise to provide the care I needed. I was receiving that care now.
I closed the energetic window by giving thanks to all participating in the essence, my ancestors, the agate, canyons, mountains, and the overlook, everything in the vicinity. I gathered my belongings along with the newly prepared essence of blue lace agate. On the drive home, I realized the smoke and whitebark pine essence gave me the strength and adaptability to release the past and embrace this new emerging me. The burn and bear grass pollen were moving me toward the next step, the magical moment when my choices, intentions, and desires become the instruments of change. Blue lace agate added another layer, the inner knowing that everything I do affects all creation.
It was becoming increasingly apparent that breaking the bonds of our family trauma would be my legacy.
Blue Lace Agate (Chalcedony)
Essence qualities: (intuitive insight) The blue lace agate mineral essence embodies the wisdom and vision of our grandmothers and activates intuitive insight, the second sight of the feminine. This essence provides support as we shift from creating our lives from the intellectual realms to creating our lives from an embodied expanse of awakened and peaceful consciousness. It helps quiet our mind so we may access the unfolding of time from the present moment, where our true power lies, while empowering us to make changes that ripple out into all of time, into what we perceive as the past and the future.
Indications: lost in a busy mind; dealing with scattered mental forces; over-relying on logic; not trusting intuition; attracting unwanted experiences with worry and anxiety; no balance between doing and being; conflicted between inner masculine and feminine; stuck in patterns of abuse; disconnected from the inner feminine; in a dysfunctional relationship with a father figure.
Affirmations: I AM divine feminine guidance. Answers come when I am quiet and still. I forgive those who have disappointed me. I AM free from the ties of the past. I allow myself to embrace my inheritance from my ancestors and stand in my power as a point of reference for others.
Your comments make my day! I love connecting with people, and hearing from you inspires me to share more. If you can't comment right now, no worries—drop your thoughts when you can!
This stunned me when I opened it tonight because I think I found blue lace agate today on a walk on the east side with a dear friend. She calls these sacrednicities! It was lodged in the path beside the "big ditch" and took a little bit to come free. I retrieve less and less these days but she called to me and I responded! What will transpire next? Thanks, as always!
Catching up on these tonight. I enjoyed reading about when one of us changes, it affects the entire universe. The Beatles talked about that when they were in India in the late 60's with the Maharishi.
Blue Agate is a beautiful stone. Glad it is worked into one of your essences.