16: Embodying Magic - Bitterroot Flower
Reading time: 12 minutes
I’ve come to terms with my sporadic posting schedule this winter. I am not meeting my original weekly writing goal, so I have switched all posts to be accessible under free subscriptions for now. Many of my paid subscribers are friends or family, and I appreciate your understanding and ongoing support!
This post features the next chapter from my manuscript, “Dreaming in the Real: How Love from the Earth Set Me Free,” which is a work in progress. In this chapter, I explore how deeply immersing myself in the natural world while preparing vibrational essences provided me with insight and healing after my adult life fell apart due to unaddressed trauma and childhood adversity. Join me as we uncover the transformative power of nature together!
PLEASE START HERE to access chapters in chronological order.
“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” ~ Joseph Campbell
June 1, 2014
THE LONG COLD winter was a bittersweet experience for me. I faced the ongoing challenge of fluctuating progress in my healing, including a continued loss of mobility in my right arm, even after undergoing cervical spine surgery last spring. Despite these difficulties, unexpected blessings sowed joy and hope. In December, I skied twice, taking it slowly and cautiously. It had been two years since I last skied at my beloved Lost Trail Pass, and I was starting to feel alive again.
A friend convinced me to try the online dating site eharmony.com. It had been a year and a half since my life with Billy collapsed, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to trust someone else or if I could trust myself to make good choices. With the Canada goldenrod essence helping me voice my thoughts and desires, I spent several days completing a detailed and specific personal profile to ward off any casual play-boy types or those more interested in gas-powered engines and casual sex than spending quiet time in nature and delving into the meaning and sacredness of our lives. It worked. No one responded to my profile.
I was good with this. I enjoyed living a life that few understood. I spent a few weeks scanning the profiles of men, and one caught my eye. He was an environmental lawyer living in Helena—an earth protector. I had a clear inner knowing he would contact me, so I waited.
He eventually reached out, and after a few weeks of exchanging emails and phone calls, we decided to meet in Missoula for lunch on Christmas Eve. David was a kindhearted, dynamic, and adventurous man. We shared a deep love for the earth and all things outdoors and mutual attraction and admiration. Because we lived 160 miles apart, we drove a lot to see each other. The manifestation of a healthy and loving relationship was exactly what I needed, and I felt grateful for someone who cared for me in return. Our relationship was a partnership, not a rehabilitation project, and he helped me navigate my trauma in a healthy way.
By January, my right shoulder capsule completely froze. I couldn't move it. The last nine months of physical therapy combined with steroid injections didn’t help. In February, I underwent surgery to release the adhesions. However, just a week after the surgery, all the original symptoms—tingling, weakness, and nerve pain that I had experienced before last year's cervical surgery—returned to my right arm. I had an intolerable and continuous funny-bone kind of pain in my entire arm.
My workers’ comp nurse case manager retired about the same time as my shoulder surgery, leaving me with no one to manage my healthcare. Three months passed as I looked for someone to take over my case. Finally, I hired a workers’ comp lawyer who assigned me a new case manager who ordered another MRI and back to the neurologist for more testing.
Since so much time had passed since the onset of symptoms, they now classified my pain as chronic. Anyone who has lived with chronic pain knows that pain has a biology of its own, and healthcare experts often overlook the emotional and psychological toll of constant suffering. The neurosurgeon suggested that the orthopedic surgeon must have made a mistake, while the orthopedic surgeon insisted it was the neurosurgeon's fault. As a part of my care plan, my nurse case manager recommended an eight-week pain management program.
The essences became my life raft. The essence of the big mountain sagebrush gave me the inner fortitude I needed to navigate a disjointed healthcare system. Physical support came from homeopathic remedies, acupuncture, massage, cranial-sacral therapy, herbs, dietary supplements, and prolotherapy injections.
My twelve-year run in the daily workings of Alaskan Essences was over. Still, I was able to work part-time from home doing their online marketing and social media management. Montana Vocational Rehab provided me with ergonomic office equipment, so I would continue to heal while working from home. I survived on workers’ comp benefits and a few hours of self-employment work each month.
Deciding it was time to write the book about essences I had spent years envisioning, I dreamed of attending a writer’s workshop hosted by Hay House Publishing. Hay House was a leading self-help, inspirational, and transformational book publisher. In March, my generous roommate made my dream come true and offered to cover the workshop and travel arrangements. I booked the course, airline tickets, and hotel and applied to the State of Montana’s Department of Labor and Industry for a grant to cover the training. I won the grant and repaid my roommate most of what he had spent.
In May, I flew to Fort Lauderdale and spent three glorious days being inspired by self-help and spiritual author Wayne Dyer and receiving instruction from Reid Tracy, the president and CEO of Hay House. Their teachings made me realize that I might have a story worth sharing.
June 9, 2014
FIELD NOTES: Chaffin Butte, Bitterroot National Forest
Springtime returned to the Rocky Mountains. I felt called to make an essence of the elusive bitterroot flower, the state flower of Montana, and the namesake of the valley where I lived. Plant life flourished with the abundance of winter snow and rain this spring. While visiting David in Helena one weekend, his friend shared pictures of blooming bitterroot flowers on his property. I decided to return to Helena in a couple of days to make the essence.
When I got home, I checked my appointment calendar and saw I had a busy week ahead—too busy to make another trip to Helena. However, this particular day was completely free. A quick look at our local newspaper online revealed some stunning photographs of bitterroot flowers on Chaffin Butte. I restocked my essence toolkit and was out the door within an hour.
The butte is on the valley's east side in the Sapphire Mountains' foothills. The east has a drier and warmer climate than the west, and the sun-warmed, southwest-facing slopes create the perfect environment for bitterroot flowers.
This butte is most famous for the short but steep trail to the giant C, outlined with stones by Corvallis high school seniors. Mid-day heat approached as I wandered, eyes peeled to the ground over the lush green hills. A wind cooled by the snow on the distant mountains blew persistently, almost urgently. Just steps away from the game trail I was following, I saw one low-lying flower and another.
Bitterroot flowers, also known as resurrection flowers, possess a magical quality. They can endure drought-like conditions without rain for over a year. Often, they appear dry and lifeless on the surface or may even seem to vanish completely. However, with just a bit of rainfall, they spring back to life, emerging seemingly out of nowhere and disappearing just as quickly and mysteriously. Some of the flowers are pink, while others are creamy white. Typically, each plant produces a single bloom, although two or three flowers per plant are possible. Before the flowers bloom, the foliage of the bitterroot plant withers away, leaving only a single flower on a short stem. When the blooms fade, all that remains is a seed pod attached to the ground.
A nearby dwarf-sized ponderosa pine provided just enough shade for me to sit comfortably, so I spread out my little blanket and began the essence-making process. The bowl of spring water sat in the open sun alongside perky pink blooms and an expansive vista of the snow-covered Bitterroot Mountains on the other side of the valley. I breathed in the spread of the big blue sky and appreciated being able to see up and down the valley for miles. I began connecting with the energy of the unseen realms and the Bitterroots, setting my intentions for making the essence and expressing my appreciation in advance for their gifts of insight.
Being surrounded by the pink and white blooms felt like entering the realm of faeries. I was grateful to be in the presence of these precious beings, who radiated a whimsical yet powerful feminine energy. I wanted the spirit of each flower to know what a joy it was to meet them, and I expressed to them just how unique and beautiful they were. Every sweet, innocent, and magical bloom I encountered made me smile, filling me with the carefree spirit of a young girl. I stepped carefully around them, asking each bloom if it wished to participate before gently plucking it from its life-giving connection to the earth. Several blooms agreed, and I placed these precious flowers in a bowl, where they floated gracefully on the water's surface.
The buoyant flowers dented the surface tension of the water just enough to cause the blooms to fall toward each other, making them appear to be magnetically attracted. They floated across the water until the tips of their petals were touching. Amused, I purposefully placed a new bloom far from the others to watch it float to the growing pink cluster. They gathered like a bright and joyful community.
Waves of gratitude washed through me as I settled on my blanket in the shade. Sitting next to the pink blooms, I reflected on how nature was crucial to my growth and healing. Opportunities beckon when my non-physical self conspires cooperatively with the unseen realms and the source of all that is. I noticed how my body was affecting the grasses, plants, and insects around me, and in turn, how my body was being affected by the environment—the hard earth and the hot sun. Pain wanted my attention, and I calmed it by honoring its presence. I was learning to fully acknowledge the gifts of discomfort before trying to make the necessary adjustments to change it. After spending most of my life ignoring discomfort, life was forcing me to acknowledge what my body had to tell me.
The distinctive growth pattern of the bitterroot flowers served as a simple reminder to appreciate the potential in the ebb and flow of life and the drive for change. Taking three deep breaths filled me with gratitude, and I recalled that the more thankful I am, the more I attract things to be grateful for.
Giving the flowers and the participants in the unseen realms time and space to do their magic, I wandered away from the bowl and strolled among the juniper, ponderosa pine, and big mountain sage. The rugged peaks and lush forested drainages to the west contrasted beautifully with the rolling grass and sage-covered foothills where I stood. I often take hundreds of photos while making essences, and this was no exception. I meandered along the sunny slope, capturing digital images of delicate tiny pink blooms and the mountains across the valley.
The Bitterroot River runs through our valley, creating a natural division between the territories of elk, whitetail deer, and mule deer living in the Bitterroot Range in the west and the Sapphire Range in the east. The Bitterroot Selway Wilderness lies west and joins the Frank Church Wilderness to the south, creating the largest protected wilderness area in the contiguous United States. Human access to this protected land is limited. Grizzly bears, black bears, mountain lions, wolves, coyotes, badgers, numerous species of birds, and small creatures inhabit this vast expanse.
A breeze tousled the grasses and cooled my skin, bringing my awareness back to a bowl of pink flowers bursting with light. I sat down, closed my eyes to minimize distractions, and took deep cleansing breaths to reconnect with the flowers.
Working with my breath and energy, I felt the familiar tingling at the top of my head, where the crown chakra connects my physical body to a higher energy flow. I sensed the energy of the heavens flowing into my crown chakra, moving down through my body and into the earth. Today, on this butte surrounded by these pink flowers, I channeled radiance.
The tingling on my head intensified as my crown chakra opened. In my mind's eye, white and fuchsia light radiated from my head into the universe. The light then returned to the earth and flowed back into my body. I was sure I had taken on more than I could handle. At times, the energy and awareness that come through when making essences overwhelm me, prompting me to retreat to my comfort zone to escape the heightened awareness. Sometimes, I sigh with relief once it's over because I can't contain it all. Today, I chose to surrender.
The wind insisted on being a part of things. It blew bulging gray clouds over the peaks, bringing a much-needed water element to the essence-making process. I leaned back on the blanket and closed my eyes, basking in the joyful breeze and the smell of moisture blessing the gentle sweetness of the day.
I dozed off and woke up when the clouds blocked the sunlight and the temperature dropped. The flowers in the bowl had begun to close, and the bitterroot flowers on the ground were also closing. Observing this interplay between the earth and sky, I felt a sense of joy, as if faeries were celebrating and participating in this moment's creation.
As the sky darkened with storm clouds, the blossoms closed even tighter. It was time to go. One by one, I carefully took each bloom out of the bowl with my wooden tongs and arranged them in a small circle on the dry earth. I sensed the blossoms entering their next phase of joyful participation in life, and when I left, I was sure faeries would dance in this circle of flowers. There was happiness and magic at hand.
Bitterroot Flower (Lewisia rediviva)
Essence qualities: (the rapture of being alive) The bitterroot flower essence is a gift of spiritual awakening connecting us to the rapture of being alive. This essence activates the crown chakra, so intuitive knowing freely enters our body to provide insight and wisdom. It helps us to discern the voice of our inner calling, giving us the strength to open the doors of life’s opportunities and the courage to step through. The bitterroot flower asks us to acknowledge and embrace life’s blessings even when they come from unwanted experiences—allowing gratitude to fill our being as we fully participate in the never-ending cycle of attracting, even more, to be grateful for. This essence is the embodiment of magic.
Indications: experiencing existential depression; lacking meaning in life; disconnected from one’s source of spirituality; lacking inspiration; changing directions in life haphazardly; fearful and anxious about the future; unable to see the possibilities; perceiving unwanted circumstances to be unbearable.
Affirmations:
I AM fully alive.
I live my life one day at a time, making positive changes with baby steps.
Baby steps align me with the magic of the universe!
All my problems have a solution.
I embrace the magic of life and cherish the wonder of each day.
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Lovingly and beautifully written. I really like the way the Bitterroot Flower embodies the spirit, the essense of what we have in this small valley in Montana. Quite an adventure. Especially where you had to put aside the pain that was endlessly in your body by recognizing it and moving beyond it with your meditative work.
Do you know anyone who has successfully planted Bitterroot seed and grown them? I have tried several times in the backyard but nothing has happened. We are big gardeners and bonsai people but success has definitely eluded us with Bitterroot. Love the piece!